15 big-footed lady problems
1. When one of your smaller-footed sistren complains about wearing size 8 shoes and your eyes roll all the way around in your skull.
2. When you go shoe shopping and the “size 11-13” section is full of cobwebs and your options are narrowed down to two pairs of tan pointy heels from 1996 and a lonely left tennis shoe.
3. Speaking of pointy heels, WHY EVEN MAKE THEM FOR BIG-FOOTED LADIES? It’s unnecessary additional length, people.
4. When you try and convince yourself you can fit into a size 9 (because of the aforementioned better options just three feet to the left of the “size 11-13” section) and you suck in your gut, hoping to somehow also suck in two inches of foot.
5. Sometimes it takes three days to put on a pair of skinny jeans over your feet.
6. You heard all the mean nicknames in the book for having big feet during your school days. “Boat feet,” “flippers,” “skis,” “oars,” we get it; our feet resemble outdoor sporting equipment.
7. When you go bowling with some friends who don’t know you that well, and you whisper your shoe size to the person behind the counter. And of course, they don’t offer the same quiet courtesy, so they say something along the lines of, “HERE’S YOUR SIZE TWELVES!” and plop them onto the counter, which causes a minor earthquake.
8. Packing fills you with dread because you realize your suitcase is half-full after you’ve only packed two pairs of shoes.
9. “One size fits all” is just a sick joke.
10. Your no-show ankle socks are true to their word though — they never show because they constantly fall down in your shoe. Ugh.
11. Tripping on your own feet is just a normal Friday afternoon activity at this point.
12. Forget swimming at a public pool. The first time some kid sees your feet in all their sockless glory, they’re bound to say whatever is on their mind, such as, “Wow, that lady has Sasquatch feet!” or “I bet you could fit into my dad’s shoes.”
13. You can never wear brightly-colored shoes. And FORGET about wearing red shoes unless it’s Halloween and you’re dressing up as Krusty.
14. Wearing a snug pair of high heels for a date night? There will be blood.
15. And finally, you’ve been scolded or shamed for picking up the remote with your toes — and accurately turning up the volume.