The metamorphosis from child to adult ends with you telling a server, “You know what? An iced tea sounds refreshing. I’ll start with that.”
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 9, 2017
Aw man, I’m getting too old for this*
*watching true crime and cult documentaries until 3AM
— Mara Wilson (@MaraWilson) July 9, 2017
Why is making friends as an adult so awkward? Like a blind first date at a strip club awkward.
— Rebecca Cupp (@RCNM1) August 1, 2017
Growing up is weird because everyone turns into real adults like yeah that person’s a teacher but they licked whiskey off a plate in college
— Sarah Anne (@sarahsmeet) July 23, 2017
is it weird to get in touch with an old friend like “hey all the most miserable people I know are getting married so I thought I’d check in”
— lauren (@olquartertank) July 28, 2017
1st rule of adulting: take as much stuff from your parents house before going to the store
— geoff (@geoffreyodoi) July 28, 2017
As an adult I always forget I can get in my car and buy a cake whenever I want and no one can stop me.
— Ryan ‘Fluff’ Bruce (@RiffsAndBeards) July 27, 2017
Being in your 30s is like Freaky Friday because one day you wake up and all of a sudden you’re in your mom’s body
— c a i t l i n 🌹 (@hello__caitlin) June 30, 2017
Just set another teabag on fire. #adulting
— Harry Wilding (@harrywilding) July 23, 2017
you know youre getting old when you find a bottle of pepto bismol in your purse
— Allie Peters (@Allie_peets) June 15, 2017
Me as a kid: “what if they don’t talk to me?”
Me as an adult: “I hope nobody talks to me”
— Psycho B❤️ (@shaitaanbachchi) July 28, 2017
Being an adult is like being a Quentin Tarantino movie: it starts out real cool, there’s lots of cursing, it’s very confusing, everyone dies
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 9, 2015
I can’t decide if the pain in my chest this morning is heartburn, heartbreak or a deep festering disappointment and anger.
— Alison (@Poor_Ophelia) September 5, 2014
Going to the mechanic as an adult is like going to the dentist as a child. I know I’m doing everything wrong. Please don’t yell at me.
— Seth Pecore (@sethpecore) July 22, 2017
Just tried to arrange board games with three other people. The next day we can all do is mid-September. FML
— Alex Hern (@alexhern) July 16, 2017
One of my exes is engaged and I still use strawberry Lip Smackers instead of proper chapstick, so yeah, being in your 20s is weird.
— Hannah White (@thehannahwhite) August 1, 2017
Just woke up and already want to take a nap
— Hav 🃏 (@hardinghavyn) July 31, 2017
Being in your 30s is cool because you do stuff like passive aggressively moving your neighbors trash cans out of your street parking spot
— Sean Cummings (@sean_cummings) July 13, 2017
Getting old is awesome but it also really sucks.
— Cameron ⚜️ (@CameronBoliver) July 28, 2017